And I'm not dead yet. Mom would probably smack me if she sees this because well, we are Chinese and Chinese just hate the word "death". How sad. I even feel awkward writing blog posts. Why, I wonder. *dramatic music in the background* Am I turning into a robot?! *GASP* Hah, I wish.

I realized I've change a bit (maybe tremendously) over the years I study here in Singapore. Well, we humans are survivor - we would adapt accordingly to the environment. That's why - I've changed. I know I lack of something that allows me to do well here (probably self-discipline) so I would use any time I have to do things that I deem profitable. Profitable meaning it would benefits me and only me. Sadly, hanging out with friends is stashed just several levels above the tray "A Waste of Time". I only realised this disgusting truth yesterday as a dear friend visited Singapore so she was expecting us (me and one two other friends) to accompany her because well, to be honest, who the hell has something to do on the weekend of Week 1? (We NUS people do. Most even work on holidays... except me) I started to be aware of the selfishness that I showed - I actually reluctant to go out with anyone at all unless the situation has something to offer me - in this case, I went out with them on Friday night because, well, I could take a bunch of beautiful photos and I can meet up with that friend that I haven't been seeing for a period of time. Notice that? The first factor is "I could take a bunch of beautiful photos". It's no wonder I'm becoming more and more like a hermit everyday. It's like a positive feedback mechanism - no hang outs means no friends and no friends means no more hang outs. Hahaha...

Things would be totally different if I'm still on holidays in Malaysia as over there, I would have all the time to hang out with my dear friends (provided that they have time too). I just didn't realized that I would automatically turn into this mode when the semester starts or when I'm in Singapore. It's not healthy, I know, but I don't know what I can do about this because, well, I don't have time to ponder on this. And I don't have time to blog. It's either that or my life has been quite stable over the semester - no ups and downs, and it's boring? Well, all I know is that it suits me better than the days I would be emotional and rant about my supposedly dreadful life. But, this recent change has also taken away my inspirations and I don't like it ...

Time. Time and time. Oh Time, thou art a heartless bitch.

PS: And yes, dear blog. Your supposedly meek little girl here has included a number of foul language into her dictionary over time, though admittedly she hasn't use them publicly yet.

 It's been a while since I feel really down for whatever-reason-there-is. (Yeah, I am perfectly aware that one who doesn't write much any more tend to start a new blog entry in this manner.) Heck, it's been a while that I tripped and fell onto the road, though I left unscathed today.

Today is just simply not my day at all.

First, I have to deal with the monthly crappiness that all women would face.  It is fine, really. It is just like a background noise, which unfortunately would add up with other craps and form a gigantic crap that only can be blasted out of my way by my yell of frustration.

Secondly, the mandatory tour guide thingy didn't go well. Ah, kill me and take my Japanese skill down to hell if it is not there already. I do not mind failures if they let me know where my mistakes are. The thing is that, I was still left wondering what the hell went wrong after the tour. That selfish part of me wanted to blame my team mates but I knew that in the end I would take it upon myself and keep scrutinizing myself to find out where and what went wrong. I was correct as I had dug a hole for me to mope in it. However, I am now more rational. Yes, I am aware of the factors that contributed to the result and I shall end my sulking soon enough.

Thirdly, when it seemed like things couldn't get any worse, I just had to tripped while I was at the pedestrian crossing and right when the internal shuttle bus that I wanted to get on arrived at my side, literally. I swear my pose was an "Orz", not to mentioned I scraped the bottom left of my precious phone (and my left knee). The whole thing was just like an earthquake occurred while my Mood was already at the bottom of a deep valley, and she fell into the crack with a silent scream and a WTF face. Yeah, that is the image. I was dazed the whole bus trip back to my hostel, because I wasn't sure whether I was supposed to sulk as my day didn't go well or hide my face out of embarrassment as practically the whole bus witnessed my epic fall. I even felt tears moments later when I was back in my room because I was silently feeling sad for my dear phone for it has always look so pretty and whatnot. Just because of its owner stupid fall, it has to bear that ugly scar forever and ever. Yet, don't take me wrongly, I am not a passionate person. I will throw/sell anything that I deemed useless without batting an eye. Dear phone would suffer the same fate when the moment I deem it useless comes. For now, I may shed tears for you.

Lastly, as I got contented after my late meal and slowly regained the nothing-could-go-wrong-any-more mindset, I discovered someone (some bitch) had stolen one of my eggs. Just when I thought this cluster is safe from greedy thieves... Buy your own bloody eggs, *$@#.

This is some shitty day. May tomorrow and the days after would be better. Heck, I need all the lucks to get through the deadlines and midterms next week. Ever since the start of semester, I've always have the feeling that my hand would give away soon and I would fall onto the Pavement of Ordinary below and paint it a interesting shade of red colour.

PS: Yet, a visit to the blog of the father of my fandom did cheered me up a little. A Kumajirou hat and an Amerimochi makes a chimera huh - yeah, I have a feeling that you'd never fail to amaze me, honestly. And, yep, I'm cursing more and more nowadays.